The small things make me panic more than the big stuff ever could…
My car recently fell poorly. The window wiper stopped working, so I thought, “hey this is only going to cost £30ish”, not a problem! Turns out that a small metal part on the arm had broken and this is apparently rare. The part would have cost me about £300, so overall £400 with labour! Brilliant. Luckily the mechanic was awesome, and he found this universal clip and fixed it, this only cost me £67 in the end! Amazing right!
All the time this was happening, it only made me panic for an hour. Then I met up with my friends and I got over it, because there is more to worry about in life…right?
I then get told about this ‘get-together’ with my works team. Not going of course. I got asked but avoiding that with a passion. Because why would I want to hang with people that have caused me so much pain?
Of course, my mind decided to play a million annoying and frustrating scenarios over and over again, and I go full panic mode! HELP!
Why!!!! Why should I care? Why do I panic more when it comes to non-existent worry? Why should I let small minded people and their tiny minded thoughts bother me! But for some strange reason that’s how my brain works..
£400 that I don’t have – meh, no worries, I’ll deal…crappy gossip and lies – oh my god I’m going to die.
Why does my brain hate me!?! Why!?
I’ve started to do this 24hour thing, where I tell myself I can only panic for that amount of time, after that I need to woman up! I am better than this! So far, it’s working, I’ve done really well lately.
I moan to my friends on our car journey home, I write in my diary and then I chill out and not let it get to me. I have far more important things to think about these days.
Moving out is a go! It’s down to just three people now, which is going to work out better for us. Turns out if we wanted more people we would need a HMO licence, (we’ve known about this for a while now), but it meant limited properties and right now the three of us (who live the furthest from our town) are just ready to get out of our parent’s homes and live a little.
I mean, I’m still scared. Money is always a big worry for me, but I know I can do this! Happiness comes at a cost, and I’m willing to pay it.
Peace and all that…