The fear of the unknown…

Weather Rain Umbrella Sunshade Nature Landscape

I love to try new things, but trying to find a new job is beyond scary…

It has come to that time, I need to move on, the negativity on my team is just too much for me to handle, for anyone really. I’ve started to hate going to sleep at night because I don’t want to face them, in the morning, and crying my eyes out the other day because of the stress build up, was the last straw. I love my job, I just hate the people that work there. Well, what I mean to say is I hate a few of the “ring leaders” that just make it an uncomfortable place to work. They bring everyone down, including me.

I’ve always found myself to be a very positive, bubbly person, but as of late, I have just started to resent everyone and everything. I’ve become so hot headed because of it. I don’t get how people can walk into their job and just refuse to do it. You are paid to do a job, let me repeat that, you, are, paid, to do a job and you refuse to do it, how is this logical?! What makes matters worse is they throw this stress word around like it’s a fucking get out of jail free card! It drives me up the fucking wall!

“Stress – a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances” – The Dictionary

Now don’t get me wrong here, I’m not trying to tell people how they feel, and from my own experiences I know you can’t judge someone’s mental state, but half of these people wouldn’t even know what “demanding circumstance” was if it hit them in the fucking face! These people use this as an excuse for their own personal gain, because they’ve witnessed other people around them with general concerns and they hang onto their coat tails. Which in turn, drowns out the genuine people with genuine mental health issues.

Being someone that suffers from social anxiety and who has suffered from depression and stress in her time, I can tell you, I wasn’t one to sit there and advertise it every chance I got, or god forbid use it as an excuse. I would be angry if it held me back, therefore I’m going to fight my better nature and look for a new job, I’m going to take that leap and look for future that’s a little brighter and a little less upsetting… with more money as a bonus.

I can tell you, I’m good at my job, really good. So, I’m not scared to show what I’m worth. What I am mostly scared of is the unknown, the new building, the new people. Once I get in a routine I will be fine, but for someone that has a panic attack getting on the bus for the first time in years, I’m finding it all a little daunting. Knowing I’ll have to walk unknown hallways, alone, or having lunch on my own, it’s all just sending me into a spin.

Not only that, I will miss a handful of people! The ones that helped me through it all, that feel the same way I do. My manager for one, part of me feels like I’m betraying her a little bit. My senior manager too, all he has done for me, and supported me. Two of my favourite guys, that no matter what they are doing will come help me out if I ask for it, be it about work, or the many times my car breaks; one of them being dreamy is a bonus too!

The Core Six‘ of course, I’ll see all the time, hell, I’ll be moving in with two of them, and the extra money will help with that too, but ahh! Scary!

Finding a place to rent is still added to that stress too, HMO’s can suck my arse! Every different estate agent is telling us different things. Be that the two I’m moving in with are a couple, all together we would class as two households, so as far as we have seen on our research, we would be classed as a non-registerable HMO, but again these estate agents are just looking at us gone out, and they keep telling us that they don’t know. I mean what do you mean you don’t know?! …help us!

So, it’s just the waiting game…again, on the job front and the house front…

Peace and love, you beautiful people!



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