I bite my lip and I keep my words close to my chest. I don’t let you know how I feel, what I think, what I believe. You sit in front of me with your dark eyes, dark hair, dark body and dark mind, you are as closed off as I am. We sit in silence, we don’t make eye contact.
I cry myself to sleep and you lie there and listen, unable to comfort me. We’re not the same, never will be again. I’ve tried to bring light into this room and all you do is whisper hateful things into my ears, reminding me that they won’t stay, so I push them out again.
You watch me write down the pain you bring, you watch with a smirk knowing you’ve achieved your goal, that you’ve made me cold and weak. You laugh when you watch me dream and then you tell me that they will never come true.
I enter the other rooms in the house and they are bubbling with excitement round me. People are laughing, talking, but I hear nothing, I smile but I don’t feel, lost in my own mind, lost in myself.
I hate the way I feel, I don’t belong in this body, so I cry in my mind because I don’t want people to see my tears, but at night you once again hear my sobs, I pretend I don’t hurt, I pretend your words don’t scar me. I don’t cry because I’m scared to lose you, I cry because I’m stuck here, and you won’t let me go. You are my shadow, you watch me from the corner of my room.
You are my demon and you hold me by the neck, my nails dig into your wrists and you laugh as we bleed, knees pinning me in place.
I will be forever stuck, unable to leave your grasp.